Splash No. 226 - Books on Tape
Books on Tape
Whenever I start to fall into some sort of rhythm, I start to believe that things will stay in that rhythm for a while — that somehow I’ve finally found a way of living that seems sustainable and consistent and will color my perception of the era when I reflect on it much later. And why not? There’s endless amounts of films and books and shows decrying how boring and repetitive the life of an office worker supposedly is, apparently being a way to waste your 20s. But no, life doesn’t seem that similar from week to week, or from day to day, unless you’re intentionally trying wipe away all the color from any given activity. Regardless, after finding myself in a rhythm with my job, I’ve reignited my desire to read more and walk more, which has altered my days.
My previous rhythm involved absurd screen times and alternating deleting and re-downloading TikTok after my work days, which often led to entire evenings disappearing without my realizing. To combat this, I decided, like I always do, that books were my answer. So, I downloaded some ebooks and audiobooks, and decided that I’d replace my scrolling habit with books (for the millionth time).
Actually reading the ebooks has had mixed results, but I find myself listening to the audiobooks pretty often. This is largely due to the return of one of my favorite activities — going on long walks and listening to a book. I picked up this habit when I was living in New York City and barely knew anyone. After work, I would put on a good book and just start walking aimlessly and take in the sights. At this time, I was 20 and shy, afraid of the world, yet still hoping to feel like I was apart of it. I shared the urgency of the city, worried that I’d waste the little time I had to live there. And I was in awe of where I was living and my photography hobby was still alive, so I constantly took photos of the different sights, the people, and the sunsets.
I’ve been walking a lot in San Francisco for a while, but doing it while listening to a book has been different. It makes the world look dissimilar from how it does with other audio. My theory is that my attention is split trying to focus on the words, which makes me see my environment with new eyes. With these eyes, I find myself acting like my twenty-year-old self, snapping pictures incessantly at the dogs and the shadows, the sunspots that dapple the asphalt.
Maybe I’ve invoked a ritual that embedded itself in my body. Maybe my cells knew the connections of audiobooks + walks + photos and when I brought enough pieces together, my mind knew not to break the chain. It’s nice to feel like the older versions of myself aren’t entirely distinct from who I am now, and that combining the right actions with the right moments can resurrect these parts of me. It seems like a sort of magic formula that only I could know through analyzing myself, a scientific study of the self to return to older behavior. So much has changed from then: locations, life stages, every cell in my body; yet, the imperceptible differences stay the same. Maybe they always will.
Drops of the Week
PLAYLIST - october 22 - october almost over!
ARTICLE - "Rod McKuen Was the Bestselling Poet in American History. What Happened?" by Dan Kois - weird stuff
POEM - "Time" by Alex Dimitrov - Again I am unprepared / standing under an awning / in the middle of summer
Donate to Abortion Funds Mutual Aid Networks
Thanks so much for reading! If you're not already subscribed, I'd love for you to subscribe here. You can also check out my older newsletters here.
Also, I'd love to hear your thoughts— you can reply to this email if you loved or hated the letter, or you want to tell me about how your day has been. I'm all ears.
I'm walking here,
Nikhil