Splash No. 228 - Reflecting on Social Media
Reflecting on Social Media
In the last couple of weeks, the richest man in the world purchased Twitter and proceeded to start changing things with reckless abandon. From the outside looking in, it does not seem to be going well, as he fights against the mountain of debt he brought to the company in the purchase it seemed like he didn’t even want. All across the internet people have started to wonder — is there a good Twitter alternative? The answer is no, and many folks agree that leaving Twitter entirely is a huge improvement for the average person. I wondered to myself, do I even need this website, the place that I’ve so often called a “hell-site” in the many years I spend scrolling through it?
I didn’t really know how I felt about my own social media usage until I read Haley Nahman’s recent retreat from social media. Everything became clear when I read the lines, "There is no mere existence on the internet. There is no being known for who you idly or incidentally are. You have to show up and beg to be loved, then beg to be loved again, but for newer reasons.”
I really started getting into social media in college, where I used it both as my main creative outlet as well as a major component of my social life. I had subscribed to the idea (and still do) that identity formation was a creative process, in which I had the ability to decide who I was going to be. I read plenty of creativity and self-help books to guide me in this process. Without realizing it, I let my social media accounts serve as the primary artifact of the identity that I sought to create. Why wouldn’t I? As I looked to make new friends and connect with a new industry, it made sense to make a version of myself visible online. However, the act of participating in social media didn’t only go one way. I did not simply create a person online who looked on me. Instead, the incentive structures of the media shaped the way my flesh brain saw the world.
Like Nahman said, I would show up and beg to be loved over and over again in all that I posted. Each shared Instagram post was meant to elicit some sort of connection or validation. It felt like having an aesthetically pleasing feed and set of stories could make me seem like a desirable friend. Being funny on Twitter proved to be great in meeting new people, connecting with the tech industry. I found important friendships and jobs and relationships through social media. I learned countless things about myself and learned about who I wanted to be. I grew up using these tools, and even when I look fondly upon the work it triggered, the memories it led to, I can’t stop thinking about how each post was a form of self-soothing for my myriad insecurities.
It doesn’t feel like a coincidence that I found myself posting less as I became more comfortable with myself. It became tiring to perform as the online version of myself all the time and I found myself doing it less and less. I became more accepting of who I was and how I liked to spend my days and all of the perceived benefits of the platforms began to feel more paper-thin. I’m less interested in getting validation online, and even the premise of meeting new people doesn’t excite me in the same way. Outside of the internet, I’ve come to understand myself and really enjoy who I’ve become, and there’s nothing a silly little website could really do about that.
Drops of the Week
PLAYLIST - autumn - I made an autumn playlist! It has jazz, city pop, soul, midwest emo, pop punk, and some other stuff!
ARTICLE - "Starting from Scraps" by Austin Kleon - always a great source of creative thought
POEM - "all we got was autumn. all we got was winter" by Tawanda Mulalu - how to sleep forever but someone notices / long enough to come and wake you into spring. then summer.
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Hopefully offline,
Nikhil