Splash No. 243 - Clocks Ticking

Clocks Ticking

As I tried to clean up the relentless barrage of emails in my inbox, I saw an email from a blog I like called Raptitude. The subject line was striking: “Most Phone Use is a Tragic Loss of Life.” The article talks about how he was once told that smoking one cigarette takes ten minutes off of your life and goes on to talk about how often he wastes more than ten minutes on his phone. All of this is true and cogent, but really I was struck by the wording of the title. Can you get any more punchy than the phrase “a tragic loss of life?” And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that fun and pithy statements are always true. That’s completely false (”if the glove doesn’t fit, you have to acquit” comes to mind), but the headline isn’t — it really is tragic how much time we’re constantly losing.

As you’d expect, this headline was enough to put me into a big of a spiral regarding my time on the planet. I started to ticking numbers everywhere — in my screen time reports, in the number of hours of music I listened to, the time spent listening to podcasts. I had a dream that was in my mid-30s contemplating how I never got to live out my twenties as I wanted. I faced multiple reminders that I had been writing this newsletter for nearly six years and started to wonder if any of it had meant anything, if I had really gotten any better if I still struggled to find a topic each week and usually ended up talking about one of the four same things every week (i.e. being intentional with time/inputs, appreciating the little things, creativity/writing in general, or something about my family).

In response to all of this, I spent part of my morning reading interviews with artists on the Creative Independent to try and find some salves to my newly minted creative crisis. As usual, one of my favorite writers, Haley Nahman had a great quote to ease my pain,

“If you’re constantly comfortable in your creative work, you’re probably just repeating what you’ve already done well.

So, I think that it also can be a really good sign if you’re doing creative work and you feel afraid. It technically means you’re moving forward and trying something new. And I think that’s the only way to live as a creative, like be alive with whatever you’re making.”

Part of the reason that I’ve been doubting my writing so much lately is that I’ve been doing new types of writing. I’ve been writing for a publication that has not yet launched yet, and it’s forced me to engage with my own writing in ways that I never have before. Specifically, I have to think about making larger logical arguments in my writing in ways that this newsletter never needed to. Even though I try to not have completely pointless newsletters, there’s less rigor required to my arguments since it’s ultimately just a piece of personal writing, leading to the repeated lessons that appear across my many letters. 

I am moving forward and feel uncomfortable with it, like Haley said. I doubt my past because of it, even though past me probably couldn’t even dream of someone wanting to pay money for my words. Growing as a writer over the years has meant moving the goalposts relentlessly for what good writing is, as my favorite writers have shifted from being “the guy who writes a self-improvement blog I like” to extremely talented folks who analyze the human experience to its core through the lenses of culture and beyond. My taste has evolved and what I expect from my own work has as well and will continue to. I must continue to try and grow with it, despite the fear, despite the discomfort.

As the clocks tick on by, all we can really do is do what we can.
 

Drops of the Week
 

• ALBUM - Shabrang by Sevdaliza - been enjoying this ethereal album by Iranian artist Sevdaliza!

• ARTICLE - "Interview: Maggie Nelson" by Brandon Stosuy - great interview with a great author!

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Tick tock,
Nikhil