Splash No. 138 - In Praise of Things

In Praise of Things

I’m terrible at buying things. The idea of buying something fully outweighs the experience of purchasing it and using it. I’ve developed a mental block when it comes to purchasing new things, even when I need them. And I’m not talking about big purchases like jewelry or electronics — I mean everything! My lotion bottle will be as dry as the Kalahari before you find me reaching for a new one. No, I will flip that bottle upside down until gravity has worked relentlessly, night and day to grant me access to the forbidden goo that Big Lotion’s bottles are trying to keep from me. 

Of course, I will relent, and get the things I need when I need them, but for anything else, I’ve been struggling to buy things. Whenever I find myself window shopping on the world wide web, there’s the constant mental calculus: “will I even use this thing enough for it to be worth it?” When I first moved into my apartment last year, I took several weeks to order a desk, opting to take my video calls from my chair parked in front of my ironing board.

I wasn’t always like this, not fully. Whenever I saw a deal for a slick pair of shoes or slightly off-kilter tee, I’d pounce! I constantly flooded my mom and friends with links to garments to get a second opinion, “do you think I could pull this off?” A single yes was all I needed to rapidly enter my credit card number, which I had memorized from many past ecommerce transactions. 

Yet, even when I bought the shoes, spent my days refreshing order trackers, and eventually tried them on and found the perfect fit, I could never match the joy of finding them in the first place. Not of having them, but being able to see something worthy of desire. It mattered less that I had them — what I truly wanted was to covet them. To revel in the beauty of the shoes or desk or headphones or whatever thing. To leave the tab open and let my mind return to them before I let myself buy them. To appreciate the idea of owning them, even if they’d never live up to the glory of the ideation.

And perhaps now, I’ve found myself happy with just coveting. After months of daydreaming, reminiscing, imagining the beautiful and ebullient, what does a nice tee do for me?
 

—

There’s so much stuff I already own: dozens of clothes, art prints, notebooks, candles, and at least five other things. Yet most of it lays untouched in my apartment in San Francisco, gathering dust. I came back to my parents’ house four months ago with a few shirts, a hoodie, a sweater, and a single pair of jeans. I knew I had some clothes at home, but it wasn’t until I got here that I realized I’d be choosing from mostly sweaters that barely fit me and free t-shirts from my hackathon days, a far cry from the wardrobe I built for years. In SF, I have everything from shirts I’ve worn since I was 14 to those new Chelsea boots I barely wore, Kirkland wool socks from every time in between. There’s the yellow hoodie my mother loves, and the shoes that remind me of Buzz Lightyear. So many beautiful pieces! And I don’t miss a single thing I own. 

In the most cheesy turn of events possible, I’ve finally discovered that I really do prefer experiences over things. That, at their best, things in my life can offer wonderful experiences to revel in. They can remind me of old experiences — that day we walked all across Manhattan, the time we rushed the field. Yet, even as those memories fray and those things disappear to time, the experiences remain. 

Yes, we lived gloriously. No, I don’t have proof. 

I don’t need it anymore.

Drops of the Week
 

• PLAYLIST - january 21 - my playlist from last month, featuring an immensely diverse lineup including Joni Mitchell, pop punk band The Story So Far, Indian legend Kishore Kumar and Japanese band Necry Talkie.

• ARTICLE - "The Hater With A Heart of Gold" by Haley Mlotek - fun interview with writer Jay Caspian Kang, who makes great points on class and celebrity.

• FILM - Cléo from 5 to 7 - a lovely moment in time during an existential crisis :)

The president may not be a white supremacist, but there's still work to be done. With each day, we move closer to a more equitable world. Reminders:
 

Ways you can help Mutual Aid Networks

Anti-racism resources

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Presently,
Nikhil