Free Time
I have so much free time these days and I hate it. Every day there’s a million and a half things I can and nothing compels me to do any of them. Instead, I spend most of my days watching TV or movies or reading books. There are a variety of different projects I could be working on, but for some reason, I can’t bring myself to do something that will help me out in the long run.
I’ve read about the idea of different “tendencies” based on how people respond to expectations. There are upholders who follow both inner and outer expectations (from yourself and others). There are questioners who question all expectations but meet those that make sense to them. Rebels resist all expectations. Lastly, obligers meet outer expectations but struggle to meet the expectations they put on themselves.
I’m definitely an obliger. I’ve always wanted to be an auto-didact, able to teach myself things using my discipline and the strength of my own will to keep going. However, that’s never been the case. Most of the things I’ve actually learned have come from schooling or classes. Even the things that I learned by myself were based on creating expectations from others on my own work. All of my design skills were developed through daily projects that were centered on sharing what I was doing on social media. Even this system isn’t perfect. I’m 25+ days behind on my 100 day project since the expectations behind it don’t feel as urgent as ones in the past.
I know, however, that when I get back into the habit of getting things once work starts soon, I’ll be able to push myself to do more, keeping the flow going. There’s a lot of inertia working against me, making it even easier to do the easiest possible thing, and sometimes it just takes a change of location to get over it. I look forward to the change, and until then I’ll just ponder: is my desire to do something productive at all times a capitalistic creation, an evolutionary development to keep me alive or a combination of the two?
Drops of the Week
where I *drop* recommendations of cool things this week
Article
“Why Millennial Men Don’t Go to Therapy” by Eddie Kim - this article contributes to the growing consensus that masculinity is one of those great ills of society that’s needs to be slowly eradicated and reworked for the world to become a better place.
Book
Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri - Jhumpa Lahiri is the only author I’ve read that can fully capture the Indian-American experience. Although she tends to focus on the themes of Bengali families, a lot of what she talks about can transfer to any immigrant family. Her ability to write about themes like love and belonging is unmatched.
Playlist
The Beach Boys by Phil - a few of the best songs by one of the greatest bands of all time. The playlist was made by a member of a band I like called Summer Salt.
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:~)
Love,
Nikhil