Splash No. 153 - Leaving Georgia
Leaving Georgia
When I graduated college, I didn’t have a job lined up. I had turned down every opportunity, confident that I’d be able to find a gig in SF to be with my brother on the West Coast. I’d definitely find something, and delaying finding a job meant that I’d be able to have some more time to spend with my family before I moved away. And before I realized it, I found the perfect gig, just a few weeks after I marched across the stage at McCamish Pavilion.
Yet, this miraculous opportunity with a caveat — I had to start in just a few weeks, to move across the country from the place where I’d lived my entire life, the place where the most important people in my life were, the place I loved with my whole heart. As I packed, I cried to my mother, “I wish I had more time with you before I left.”
I hope I didn’t accidentally manifest a global pandemic so I could spend more time with my parents and in my home state, but I’m also not ruling out the possibility. Of the past 24 months, I’ve spent around 9 of them at home, living like how I did in high school, with a seemingly endless supply of fantastic food and cut fruit delivered to my room.
—
My friend Joey moved to San Diego after graduation and once asked me, “do you ever feel guilty for moving so far away from your family?” And I do. I can never shake the feeling that there’s something wrong with being so far away from the people that care for me most. Even as I try to rationalize the virtues of my career, my growth as a person, I can feel the discomfort that a hunter-gatherer would’ve felt when separated from their tribe. The anxiety that a puppy experiences when its family leaves for a little longer than usual.
This weekend, I’m returning to San Francisco, and it feels like I’m leaving for the first time all over again — that I have to once again contend with the pain of leaving, the question of whether it’s even worth it to be so far away from everything that matters to me.
—
On Thursday, nearly a nearly six-mile trek across the greenway with my mum. Traversing wood and concrete, avoiding dogs and people, jamming to bird songs and rhythmic steps. Talking about life and maybe Marx and maybe health and maybe God. And maybe the birds do the same.
On Sunday, walking around Atlanta with a friend I’ve known for nearly ten years. We visit a local sandwich place, pick up some food, and head to the park. We see a natural bird feeder here, a bird there. I think it’s an indigo bunting. We pass many people, they sneak pictures of her dog. And we sit in the shade of an ancient tree, one that holds infinite wisdom. And we lay in the sea of lushness. And we reminisce and wonder about the future and extoll the virtues of picnic blankets and picnics to be had. And the day is perfect, even if the pollen is stifling.
What was it that Ray Charles sang?
“Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind”
—
When I returned to Georgia, the rosiest of rose-colored glasses never left my face. Beauty in insane drivers and familiar billboards, tree-lined highways and memorable potholes, filthy heat and glaring light. Beauty in the home that had grown mundane. Divinity in the presence of people most familiar.
When I left home the first time, I was more afraid than excited. I wasn’t confident in my ability to operate as my own person, to work in the role that I had earned, to explore a new place. I felt wholly unprepared for everything that was in front of me, and just floated through life. And somehow, it feels like I’m getting my do-over — a chance to try it all again with a fresh start. This time, I’m excited to move to California, to be grown, and to figure out what life’s all about. Just as my distance from home made it glimmer, I hope to find the pieces of joy in California that will shine with the same brilliance. I’m going to find so much joy that the distance will all be worth it.
I’ll be back soon, of course. I can never stay away too long. And I hope that I’ll be able to stay longer than the weekend. No, it’s too much to stay 2500 miles away all the time. It’s too much to be so far from where I trace everything back to.
Remember what Ray Charles sang?
“Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you:
Georgia”
Drops of the Week
EP - N I T O by Nito - Ichika Nito is an incredible guitar player on Youtube who also makes some great lo-fi math rock (?)
ARTICLE - "The 60-Year-Old Scientific Screwup That Helped Covid Kill" by Megan Molteni - interesting article about the scientists who worked to figure out that viruses (including COVID) were aerosolized more than most medical professionals thought!
MOVIE - Ocean's Eleven (2001) - yes I've seen this movie 5 times, yes I'll watch it 5 more times. It's just so much fun!
With each day, we can move closer to a more equitable world. Reminders:
Donate to Asian Americans Advancing Justice Atlanta Mutual Aid Networks
Anti-racism resources
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Just peachy,
Nikhil