Splash No. 174 - Searching for Life’s Purpose

Searching for Life’s Purpose

I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately, going through the motions lazily, like trees in a weak breeze. I found myself doing things mainly for instant gratification, the easiest possible path. So, in order to remedy my situation, I started a knowledge quest, hoping to find a singular answer to cure all of my pain. After a few conversations, I realized that I was missing something. I felt like I needed something to engage or challenge me in life, or perhaps something simpler, like a singular purpose in life to give my life meaning. You know, easy stuff.

I spent most of the day reading about big things like dharma, the Hindu idea of duty or responsibility — essentially it’s the driving force for your life. And by discovering such a thing, I would be able to get through any amount of difficulty and inconvenience. And I began to scribble in my journal, attempting to find a purpose that could drive me to action, to push against the boundaries of my laziness into activity. I knew that creativity was important to me, but I wasn’t sure if my current framing was powerful enough to lead me to action. I thought about helping people, and how maybe that I wasn’t yet at a place that I had the necessary skills and mental fortitude to dedicate my entire life to others.

Ultimately, I found two answers to remedy my situation. The first, came from my mom, after a conversation about the topic. After talking about all of my research and what was on my mind, she reminded me that I was probably overthinking, taking everything too seriously, and that I could probably benefit from hanging out with friends and/or a few episodes of _Seinfeld_, the show about nothing. And she’s right, I have multiple gold medals for overthinking, and figuring any of this out won’t happen overnight and probably won’t solve all of my problems at once anyways. I’m 24! Do I need a clear life purpose when I could be a different person any day of the week? When there’s so much more life to experience in the first place? And even if I could identify some sort of purpose, my life isn’t as serious as I’m making it out to be. Buuuut, I also found a second answer, a sweet quote by Sarah Manguso that would work great as my dharma if I did commit to it:

The purpose of being a serious writer is not to express oneself, and it is not to make something beautiful, though one might do those things anyway. Those things are beside the point. The purpose of being a serious writer is to keep people from despair. If you keep that in mind always, the wish to make something beautiful or smart looks slight and vain in comparison. If people read your work and, as a result, choose life, then you are doing your job.

How beautiful it would be to write in this way. I’d love to be able to just stamp this on the inside of my brain and devote myself to a life as a “serious writer.” Maybe my job would grow more enjoyable with the knowledge that it was financially supporting the end of despair that the flick of my pen could offer. Maybe every day would be sunny and I could wear tweed suits with elbow patches among beautiful books and hot tea. Yet, I don’t think I want to ever take myself so seriously that I would call myself a “serious writer.” 

I’d like to keep people from despair, but that seems like a steep hill to climb for someone who barely knows what he’s talking about most of the time. No, life’s not that serious; perhaps I can just be a sincere writer, dedicated to keeping people from getting a little too gloomy. Those words feel a little bit more realistic. After writing as much as I have, I’ve learned that my writing can occasionally uplift and that’s all I could hope for. I’ve learned that the writing that most often uplifts is the work I have the most fun doing. So maybe the answer is just as my mom said: to rediscover the fun of the process, not take things too seriously, and hopefully make some people’s days a little better.

Drops of the Week
 

• PLAYLIST - Meeting Autumn Halfway, Vol. 1 - a fall playlist by MacArthur Genius Grant winner, poet and essayist Hanif Abdurraqib

• ARTICLE - "An act of perpetual self-authorization" by Austin Kleon - "Who’s going to give you the authority to feel that what you notice is important? It will have to be you."

• POEM - "A Modified Villanelle for My Childhood" by Suzi F. Garcia - a villanelle is a highly structured poem made up of five tercets followed by a quatrain, with two repeating rhymes and two refrains, apparently.

With each day, we can move closer to a more equitable world. Reminders:
 

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With intention,
Nikhil